The Time to Celebrate Is Now
"Savor the little victories as much as you criticize the little mistakes."
-James Clear
Two years ago, I took an 8-week group coaching program with author Jen Sincero. Recently, my friend Erin and I have been working through the course again, revisiting the weekly videos, redoing the worksheets, and checking in with each other weekly on our goals.
It’s been going really well, but one thing that she’s made me aware of is my tendency to downplay my accomplishments or my wins.
That sounds like:
“Yeah, I got my stuff done, but you know, I really could have done more”
or:
(sigh) “I should really get working on that thing I keep putting off…” (heavier sigh)
We’re all so hard on ourselves!
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who wanted you to change, but gotten discouraged because even though you made strides, they would just critique you for not doing enough?
Like, imagine your spouse is annoyed because you are a messy person who leaves your clothes all over the bedroom floor.
You start to get better at picking up after yourself, but as you do, they just double down and get even MORE annoyed when you aren’t perfect.
You’d get discouraged, right?
Instead, psychologists tell us that in order to influence others to the behavior we want more of, we have to give people time to change and praise any steps that they take toward the desired behaviors, and lay off the criticism so long as they’re still trying.
That’s hard to do. I know.
(Like, WHY can’t your roommate see the dirty paper towels and food wrappers left on the counter??? The trash is RIGHT THERE!)
But without going too far down the path of trying to influence others’ behavior, let’s stay focused on our own:
We have to give ourselves positive feedback in order to change our behavior.
We’re not as complex as we like to think we are. We respond to rewards and treats and praise just like our pets do.
In order to not get discouraged as we try to make changes, we have to be more conscious of our progress and celebrate little wins along the way.
Change rarely happens as quickly as we want it to. And while you are sacrificing things that give you immediate gratification, after a week or two, your brain is likely to say, “WTF are we even DOING this for??? We are giving up these things we love, and for WHAT??? It’s not WORKING!”
In other words, your brain is an overreactive diva who’s going to logic you into going back to the things that have kept you alive and safe up until now. EVEN IF that’s not what you want anymore. Even if you KNOW that you need to make changes to get where you really want to be.
You know those situations when you compliment someone, and instead of gratitude they immediately neg you with 17 reasons why your opinion is wrong?
You: “You look great today!”
Them: “Oh, no…I didn’t get any sleep last night, and the baby has been sick, and OMG, I need to lose ten pounds, ewwww…and I’m not even wearing MAKEUP!”
You’ve totally had this interaction.
It’s really annoying, isn’t it?
But we do that to ourselves all the time. Our inner critic is constantly throwing verbal abuse our way, berating us for not doing enough, or explaining why the new thing we’re trying isn’t going to work before we’ve even given it a fair shot.
STOP IT!
How?
The next time your inner critic/brain diva starts acting up, ask them for evidence.
Brain Diva: “Ughhhh…this is SO dumb. This is NEVER going to work.”
You: “Okay, how do you know?”
Brain Diva: “Uhhh…I just DO.”
You: “Are you psychic?”
Brain Diva: “Wha…? No….”
You: “Then how do you know?”
Brain Diva: “Well, remember two years ago when you tried to market your business? I TOLD you it wasn’t going to work!”
You: “Okay, but that’s because I listened to you and so I never even finished the marketing course! People in the industry who know what they’re talking about say it takes about 5 follow up emails to see results, and we sent, what?, like 130 emails total, no follow ups and then just STOPPED!”
Brain Diva: “Yeah, because it DIDN’T WORK!”
You: “There’s no point in talking to you! You’re MY brain! You don’t know any more than I do, so I’m going to listen to the experts here and just follow the plan. Byyyyeeeee!”
Often times, if you just ask your brain “Is that expectation realistic?” the answer will be: NO.
But if you don’t know what IS realistic, it’s worth asking others in your industry or doing some research to get a baseline reality check, and tell Brain to just give it more time and trust that results will come if you just stick with the plan. Whereas the more you deviate from the plan, the longer it will take to get where you want to be.
Was Rome built in a day??? NO!
(By the way, the full saying that we never hear is “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour.” Gives you a different perspective, no?)
Slow and steady wins the race…but only if you stay on the path.
To stay on the path, it helps to celebrate those mile markers that you hit before the end goal.
But I’ll bet you rarely think about those mile markers. Or set them for yourself.
You think about the $120K you want to make this year, but don’t set monthly or weekly benchmarks to hit, or break it down to # of jobs to get there.
You think about wanting to run a marathon, but all you can see is that you can barely jog for a few minutes without getting winded. Twenty-six miles seems SO far away.
So, you want to reach your big goal?
Don’t leave it at that.
Without planning the smaller steps and celebrating them for encouragement, your inner critic/brain diva has a lot more evidence to use against you.
That big goal IS a million miles away.
You gotta start celebrating the baby steps, even if they don’t always feel worth celebrating.
What big goal do you have right now? Do you celebrate your baby steps?
