Feast or Famine

In creative careers, both feast and famine can derail your progress. Whether you're too busy with client work or discouraged by lack of bookings, allowing either extreme to stop you from working on your business leads to the same dead end.

The Actor's Dilemma

Back when I was doing theatre, I noticed something interesting: as soon as an actor got themselves into a show, they would immediately stop doing everything else for their career.

They stopped taking classes. Went on fewer auditions. Didn't work up new monologues.

"I'm going to be SO BUSY WITH REHEARSAL" they complained.

"I have LINES TO MEMORIZE" they would intone, as if that made the reality of everything else disappear.

The truth was, they would still procrastinate getting their lines memorized, and use memorization as a convenient excuse for avoiding all the parts of the job that they didn't enjoy.

I especially noticed it when I started my accountability group that met weekly before acting class.

People would come religiously every week for a while, and then one day they'd announce: "I got into a show! So…I'm not going to be able to make it to these meetings anymore. I'm just going to be SO BUSY."

Then, two months later, after the show was done, if a well-intentioned friend asked "So what are you working on now?" they'd cry:

"I'M NEVER GOING TO WORK AGAIN!!!"

I critique these actors because I used to be one myself.

The actor who didn't like to read plays, who loathed rehearsal, who put off memorizing because it was tedious, who had terrible audition anxiety, and who regularly rode the emotional rollercoaster of the career feast or famine cycle, rather than figure out how to transform that wild ride into a more sustainable artistic journey.

This tendency reveals a crucial truth about finding success in creative careers: consistency is far more important than intensity. Professionals who sustain long-term success aren't those who work the hardest during busy periods, but those who maintain relatively steady effort regardless of external circumstances.

The Voiceover Desert…and Oasis

While the cadence of our work as voice actors is quite different than that of a theatre performer, the concept is the same.

Recently, between mid-December and the end of February, I went through a fairly long dry spell, and I couldn’t identify any clear reason why it was happening.

Other friends who said it was slow pointed to a lack of auditions, but aside from the four weeks around the holidays when everything got real quiet, I was still auditioning my normal amount.

I was doing everything "right."

• I was working with my coach.

• I was attending voiceover workouts.

• I was aiming to submit 70 auditions each week.

• I re-keyworded all my samples on V123 and added new samples.

500+ auditions, and the only bookings I got were from past clients.

Typically, I book 1 in every 80-90 auditions.

So…this was not normal.

Then, the dam broke wide open.

It started when I booked my first audiobook. (Yay!)

Then the next day, a fellow voice actor I've never met reached out and said "I put you in front of my clients with a few other people, and they want you!" (WUT?!)

I booked a job on V123. And then another. (W00T!)

I got three agent callbacks. I was shortlisted for some nice juicy jobs on Bodalgo and V123. Some of these opportunities came from people I haven't seen in years. People I met networking for film work. It was intense, but in a good way, you know?

Overnight, I went from famine…to feast.

Breaking the Cycle

So often, when I hear from friends who are struggling, they tell me how they are having trouble motivating themselves to audition because they aren't booking work and they think "why bother?"

And then, when they get busy with work, they have trouble motivating themselves to keep auditioning because they've got work, so they rest on their laurels.

A better option is to figure out a minimum amount of effort you will strive to put in every single week, no matter what is going on. A benchmark that keeps you in motion.

Don't give up control over your career to what is happening around you!

Whether you are using lack of visible progress or busyness as an excuse to abandon regular career-building habits, you're not just pausing your progress—you're actively undermining your future opportunities.

Your Turn

Does any of this resonate? Which of these sounds more like you—do you give up when repeated efforts don't lead to immediate progress? OR do you stop tending to your crops when the harvest is too abundant?

ACTION STEPS

1. Set your minimum weekly benchmark - Decide what career-building activities you'll commit to every week, regardless of how busy or slow things are.

2. Create an accountability system - Find a partner or group that will help you maintain consistency through all career phases. (May I suggest the 10-week Audacious Accountability Crash Course starting in April?)

3. Track your long-term metrics - Remember that success often comes after sustained effort, not immediate results.

Do or Die

If you’re anything like me, you have goals that you haven’t achieved. Goals that you’ve been sitting on for years, waiting for…what? The correct alignment of the planets? More money? More time? Someone to hold your hand and tell you exactly how to do every step so you can stop doubting yourself and your capability?

What if your goal truly was life or death?

Imagine you get a letter in the mail.

In scrawling ink it says: “I’ve been watching you. You’ve been saying for years that you will write that novel one day. Because I’m a generous person, I’ll give you more than ONE day—you have one month to write a first draft of your novel. If you don’t complete it in the next 30 days, you will die. I’m looking forward to reading your book. Tick tock tick tock!”

What would you do?

Would you spend the month complaining and avoiding the work? Or would you step it up and commit to getting that draft done?

While most of us are going to live longer than a month, none of us has infinite time. Still, we act like we have all the time in the world, and we allow other people’s agendas to dictate where our time and attention go.

Instead of creating that awesome theme bar that we’ve always dreamed of opening, we scroll TikTok (tik tok tik tok). While we could be writing a hilarious screenplay, we instead binge watch our favorite show for the 17th time (all 18 seasons!).

Why do we do this to ourselves? And to the world?

So many of the things that we want to do come down to making a commitment. And if you’re TRULY committed, then you find a way to get the thing done, no matter what obstacles arise.

And if you don’t fully commit (because no one is currently threatening you with the possibility of mortal danger) perhaps you let doubt creep in. You start strong, but stall out when you hit a point that’s too emotionally tough. You retreat to the comfort of bad habits or make excuses for why it makes sense to start a different project, or why now just isn’t the right time for this one.

Instead of committing, you flinch.

My acting teacher’s acting teacher (Milton Katselas) called this “flinching:”

“Flinching probably starts with some kind of confusion, some kind of funny feeling like, ‘Can I do it?’ Doubt. Fear. Retreat. Flinch. Then blame. And by then you’re down at the bottom. So if you find yourself blaming your agent, your boss, your mother, your spouse, you know something’s wrong back at the ranch. But what’s wrong is not others, it’s you.”

Milton also talks about how flinching “is not just a quiet, passive activity. Some people flinch with anger, some flinch with grief, all flinch with justification.”

One common flinch is to cause unnecessary drama in one’s own life. Something good happens, you get a big win, and all of a sudden you’re picking a fight with your girlfriend, drinking too much the night before a big opportunity, or otherwise self-sabotaging.

Gossip can also be a flinch. If you’re always ending up spending hours rehashing your own personal dramas, those of friends or family, or even those of celebrities, rather than getting to the work at hand, you’re probably doing some flinching.

How do we stop avoiding our own potential greatness?

Awareness, for starters.

And also, by instilling a sense of importance and urgency to the things we do. By realizing the stakes truly are life or death.

Our time on this earth is limited. The Stoics believed in meditating on this fact (Memento Mori) in order to encourage mindfulness and presence within one’s life. Or as William B. Irvine writes, “when Stoics contemplate their own death, it is not because they long for death but because they want to get the most out of life.”

Knowing that you will one day die, as we all do, do you not want to live the best and most meaningful version of your life? The version of your life where, on your deathbed, you have very few regrets?

Reminding yourself on a regular basis of what your values are, who you want to be in the world, and what kind of legacy you want to leave behind you is one way of keeping on track toward living your biggest, most meaningful life.

Surround yourself with people who expect you to be your greatest possible self.

You want hardasses in your life. People who model high standards and will expect you to live up to theirs as well.

My acting teacher, Raye Birk, used to tell us how his teacher Milton would engage in something he called Terrorist Theater. If a student in his class was not living up to their potential, he would tell them: You must book a paid acting job within the next month, or you cannot ever come back to class.

A lighter sentence than death, but effective nonetheless. Milton claimed the technique had a 75% success rate.

As Milton wrote, the actors who were subjected to this technique “experienced something equivalent to priming an engine—a direct shot of fuel right into the cylinder. Their psychology? Bypassed. Negativity? Ignored. Fear? No time for it. Doubts? Forget them. They were forced to move, to act, to chase, to innovate, to hustle—all because the stakes were raised.”

If you’re likely to let yourself off the hook, then surround yourself with others who won’t.

Milton advises that this technique can be used for anyone in any field. I have been using a similar tactic for years in my accountability groups. When I get tired of my own bullshit excuses, I make bets with people who won’t back down.

I once bet my business coach that I would send 150 marketing emails; if I didn’t, she would send a check I’d written out to a campaign that I did NOT want my name attached to. Another time, I bet three people in my accountability group each $100 that I would get done ALL of the tasks on my to-do list. At the time I didn’t HAVE $300 in my bank account. So I had no option but to succeed. And still another time, I held a drawing for my blog readers: If I did not get my tasks done, I would draw one name from anyone who commented on that post and that person would win $100. In each of these cases, I got my tasks done. Because I REALLY hate to lose a bet.

I have tried to encourage this practice amongst my accountability group participants, but many are hesitant to do so. They say they wouldn’t want to risk losing the money. But I have found that the lower the bet is, the more likely I am to lose.

“Anyone in any field can understand and apply this principle,” Milton says. “It can be used in a stuck period or as standard operating procedure. Raise the stakes. No excuses. Go for what you want. Demand more of yourself. You’re capable of a great deal more than you imagine.”

Burn your boats.

Supposedly, upon landing in the new world, Hernán Cortés burned the boats so that his men had no choice but to fight to win against the Aztecs, rather than have the option of retreating. It’s unclear how true this story is (similar actions are attributed to Alexander the Great and other historic leaders), but either way, it makes for a good metaphor:

Where in your life are you giving yourself the option to retreat or flinch?

How much might you be capable of if you (even if only once in a while) burned your boats, and didn’t give yourself any option but do…or die?

Ready to commit to your dreams and take some concrete actions? The Audacious Accountability Crash Course is open for April! Click here for more information.

When You Don’t Want to Hear “You’re KILLING it!”

I see you.

I see your struggle.

I see you judging yourself against a stranger’s best day.

I see you wishing they could express what you’re feeling inside publicly but worrying that if you do you’ll be seen as a “loser,” a “failure,” a “whiner,” or worse.

We all struggle.

Yet, at the same time, in the social media heavy world we live in, we feel this immense pressure to only put the good on display.

So we are ALL judging our own messy 100% against everyone else’s top 10%.

What is visible…is never the whole story

When a friend or acquaintance sees only the tip of your iceberg and says “You’re killing it!”

• While you’re financially strapped

• While you’re struggling with your relationship

• While you want to take the next step, but feel stuck

• While you have a client who you’ve been chasing down for payments for months

• While you feel like your entire life is a Sisyphean nightmare that never ends, and your car breaks, and your dog is sick, and your grandmother is in the hospital, and your partner breaks their leg, and your kids are constantly sick, and, and, and…

It can really suck to hear that.

So, I’m not going to tell you that you’re killing it.

But I will say:

I see you. Life is hard. And your feelings are valid.

And also:

You are strong. I believe in you. You are so much more capable than you think you are.

And even though it hurts…

You’ve got this.

Manufacturing Motivation: 4 Tactics for Getting Your Momentum Back

* Sigh *

In my email newsletter last week, I promised a new blog this week. And I even announced that it would be about MOTIVATION! (You know, that magical and elusive thing that we are all trying to get more of in our life)

I swore to myself that I would have the post written by Tuesday (meaning a full week ago now), since I keep procrastinating and not writing my posts until Sunday night and then staying up too late and starting my week out on a VERY BAD NOTE which then continues all week into an awful, discordant melody that leaves me stressed out and useless by the end of the week.

And I did TRY to write this earlier in the week. But whatever BRILLIANT idea I thought I had last Sunday night (okay, Monday morning at about 1:27am give or take) was absolutely gone by the next day. And I tried to get back both the inspired idea and the motivation to write it, but neither came.

The week took over, and all of the day to day work, and auditions and meetings…and suddenly it was Thursday again, and I was so tired and anxious, that I couldn’t do much. My nervous system was just beyond depleted.

I feel ya, bud.

However, there’s a reason people talk about hitting rock bottom—because the one thing that being that absolutely depleted will do…is motivate you to change. On Thursday, I finally got fed up and took Facebook off my phone. If it’s easy to snack on chips when they’re within an arm’s reach—Facebook is the All-Dressed Ruffles Potato Chips of my phone apps.

There’s nothing like being at your wit’s end to make you take drastic steps that you weren’t willing to take before.

Humans are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. It’s honestly why we struggle to motivate ourselves to do certain things, and yet we beat ourselves up repeatedly, instead of seeking to understand how we can do better.

So, after all of that, a week after I hoped to have this post written, I’m finally finishing it. I hope these tips help you have a better week than mine last week!

Here are some of the things I know about motivation:

We can’t create more motivation - Our natural motivation is always working.

We are always motivated. We just aren’t always motivated to do the things say we want.

If you’re currently laying in bed scrolling social media because it’s cold and dreary outside, then that is what you are motivated to do. It’s not a lack of motivation at all.

Nature gifted us with motivation to keep us alive.

When we are hungry, we are motivated to eat. When we are exhausted, we are motivated to sleep. And so on, and so on. For every bodily urge and every emotion that goes with those things, we are motivated to take action. Even if we resist for a while, at some point the pain of not taking action becomes too great, and we are forced to do something already!

Motivation is largely caused by emotion.

You lay in bed because you are motivated to avoid the bad emotions that going outside would trigger. You also lay in bed because your body is seeking the dopamine from all those cute animal videos and funny memes. So by staying put, you both avoid pain and seek pleasure all at once.

But emotions are fleeting. We don’t tend to stay in the same state for very long.

Today, I woke up tired and annoyed that I had to get up. Then I did some work and felt focused. Then I showered and listened to a podcast, and I felt inspired. My cat threw up, and I worried. Later, I went for a walk in the sunshine and met a really cute little chocolate colored poodle and felt happy.

Any acting teacher worth their salt would tell you that the problem with a lot of people’s acting is that they act a general wash of emotion, rather than being specific about how each thing in a scene affects them. In real life, our emotions can change very quickly depending on the different things we are experiencing, and those emotions motivate us to do very different things depending on which ones are the most prominent.

The quickest way to motivate yourself to take a different action than the one you’re currently taking—is to change your emotional state.

Action leads to motivation. Not the other way around.

Because motivation waxes and wanes with our emotions and our mindset, we can’t rely on it to get us to do things consistently.

Instead of relying on fickle emotions, we would do better to cultivate our “bias towards action,” which is our willingness to get started IN SPITE OF any negative stories we may tell ourselves.

The key to maintaining motivation is discipline. Habits. Realizing that all we can control is the action we take today.

Motivation comes from the people and things we surround ourselves with.

Two sayings come to mind here.

The first is “Your network is your net worth.”

You know that one friend who always inspires you, because they have so much get-up-and-go? They know what they want, and they’re always moving toward their next goal, and every time you get together, you leave suddenly inspired to clean your house, change your hair color, write a grant proposal, AND start your online pattern business.

If you surround yourself with friends who are as ambitious as a rock, and you wonder why you just don’t feel motivated to even begin to start working toward your goals, that might be why.

The second saying is: “Garbage in, garbage out.”

According to the OED: “used to express the idea that in computing and other spheres, incorrect or poor quality input will always produce faulty output.”

Or in other words, you need to nourish your mind, body, and soul if you want good results.

Just like eating junk food ALL the time will sap your energy, consuming nothing but TMZ and TikTok probably won’t help you become a better, more fulfilled, enlightened, and empowered person. And in your personal life, if you’re addicted to the dishy drama, but rarely talk with other people about intellectual or creative ideas, your output into the world is probably not solving any big problems.

What will you do TODAY to change your trajectory?

Feeling “unmotivated” today? Ask yourself:

1. What AM I motivated to do?

   Perhaps your body is asking for rest, your soul for connection or creativity, your mind for peace. You are probably motivated to do something that you need right now. Learn to recognize and give yourself what you really need in order to get back on track faster.

2. What am I feeling right now?

   If you are emotionally disregulated, motivation might be elusive. Switch your mood by listening to a favorite upbeat song and dancing around your house for an instant mood boost. Or you could sing, play with your dog, call a friend who always makes you laugh, get outside for a walk, or anything (away from a screen!) that encourages you to be in the moment.

3. What ONE tiny step can I take towards my goal RIGHT NOW?

   If you want to get started on something, and are resisting doing so, ask yourself this question. Oftentimes, we don’t take action because we are overly focused on the outcome, which may be overwhelming in scope, OR we have determined that action is impossible, when we really just need to take ownership of the process. Taking one little baby step might just get you out of inertia and back in the flow.

4. Am I nourishing my motivation…or starving it?

   If the people you’re hanging out with or the content you’re consuming is making you feel sluggish and slow, instead of inspired, consider changing it up. There’s nothing wrong with indulging in spiritual junk food occasionally (bingeing on TikTok, Love is Blind, Amish romance novels, Grand Theft Auto, etc), but if the results you’re getting are underwhelming, maybe try reading something educational or inspirational instead of ingesting the mental equivalent of a Twinkie. Start hanging out with the friends in your life who are working on improving their lives or find new friends who reflect the life you want to be living.

Have you tried any of these tactics? Which ones have worked for you?

🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋🌈🦋

Need more motivation in YOUR life?

Want to be surrounded by supportive, like-minded individuals working toward their own goals?

The Audacious Accountability Crash Course for Spring 2025 will go live soon!

The course starts April 7th and goes through June. Additional details will be released soon, but the whole program is being overhauled, with lots of new great stuff being added, so stay tuned!

In the meantime, if you’re curious how I can help you achieve your goals, click here to set up your free 20-minute consult!

Invisible Fences: 5 Ways You’re Driving Away Your Ideal Clients (And How to Fix It)

Walking through the skyways in downtown Minneapolis and Saint Paul, you notice them everywhere—those spikes people put on building ledges to keep pigeons from taking up residence.

And many cities have now replaced their already uncomfortable wooden or metal park benches with contraptions meant to deter the unhoused from sleeping there.

Maybe you’ve noticed these examples of “hostile architecture” as you go through your daily life. They’re a bit more obvious than the hidden obstacles that might be keeping people from working with you.

In fact, you may be entirely unaware of the defensive fortifications you have unconsciously built around your business.

Last week, I lamented to my business coach, Michael that while I'd given away 20 free action plan sessions over the holidays, a whopping THREE people had actually followed through.

I explained to Michael that I'd asked participants to do a little homework before scheduling their sessions. You know, just a tiny bit of prep work... nothing major... just enough to keep the sessions to a reasonable 60-minute window and give them something of value.

Michael’s response? He basically told me I'd installed a moat around my castle and was wondering why people weren't swimming across.

Castle walls are obvious…but the obstacles you’re creating might not be

Even if I needed that homework to facilitate a productive session (which I did), Michael suggested that I should get them to schedule first. And he’s absolutely right. Nothing motivates most people like the 11th hour!

Before working with Michael, I had had my eye on a different program for a few years. When I was finally in a place to work with them, I emailed them with some perfectly reasonable last minute vetting questions… and the sales guy apparently decided this was the perfect moment to channel his inner hardass to try to pressure me into a sale. That dude did NOT read the room. Transparency would have cleared the path for me to walk right in. Cagey non-answers plus the confrontational approach? Notsomuch.

Here's another gem: Last year, a friend was looking to get a new voice over demo. He emailed his top two choices, and the responses were like night and day. One replied with all the warmth of an FBI interrogation: "How long have you been doing voice over? Who have you coached with?" The other basically said, "Hey, I checked out your stuff, and I'd love to work with you." In a shocking plot twist that no one saw coming, my friend chose the demo producer who seemed eager to work with him and didn’t ask him to prove his worth.

We shouldn't underestimate the power of subtle shifts that can make the difference between deterring people and encouraging them to choose us over others. Think of it as the difference between a welcome mat and a "Beware of Dog" sign.

Some signs are clearer than others…no matter the language

Here are 5 invisible barriers and the solutions to make it easier for people to work with you:

1. Problem: Your contact info is MIA.

Solution: Make your information easy to find. If your potential clients can’t find your email address or phone number, they’re moving on. Nobody has time to play hide and seek with your contact info!

2. Problem: Your process is a digital obstacle course.

Solution: Make your processes simple and frictionless. Count how many clicks it takes to find your demos, pricing, or offerings. If it's higher than the number of times you brushed your teeth today, it's probably too many. (For example, setting up automatic calendar scheduling is on my to-do list, because going back and forth with potential meeting times isn’t fun for anyone. It’s going to make my life easier AND make it easier for people to work with me!)

3. Problem: Your vetting process feels like a bad job interview.

Solution: Be friendly and approachable. No one wants to work with someone who’s standoffish! Yes, sometimes you need to add friction to your process to ensure you get the right clients. But even when someone's not a fit, you want them to walk away feeling positively about the encounter. In the long run, helping the wrong client for you find the right service provider for them is a win-win. Sure, you’ll lose a sale this time, but what you’ll gain in good karma will definitely make up for it.

4. Problem: You're treating non-ideal clients like spam callers.

Solution: Be specific about who you serve (but don't be a jerk about it). It’s your prerogative to define the type of client you want to work with. But that’s no excuse to treat any other inquiries like they’re calling about your car’s extended warranty. Certain industries are pretty small, and word gets around if you’re difficult to work with.

5. Problem: Your booking process is death by a thousand emails.

Solution: Make it easy for people to say yes. Let’s say a client wants to book you, but they don’t give you all the information you need to give them an accurate quote. Avoid wasting your client's time with and confusing or annoying them with a lot of back and forth. Instead, have a standard form for them to fill out or ask if they can hop on a quick call.

Better, yeah?

Remember, every interaction is an opportunity to either build trust or build walls.

The goal isn't to remove all barriers - some friction is necessary and valuable. It's about being intentional with which barriers you put up and when.

But to be intentional requires awareness, and we aren’t always aware. I HIGHLY recommend getting yourself a Michael to help you see those invisible fences that you don’t even realize you’ve built around your biz.

Have you ever had the realization that you’ve made it hard for people to get to you? What changes did you make?

Are you asking the right questions?

Sarah: Do you know where the door to the labyrinth is?

Hoggle: Oh, maybe

Sarah: Well, where is it?

Hoggle: Oh, you little... [spraying a fairy]

Sarah: I said, where is it?

Hoggle: Where is what?

Sarah: It's hopeless asking you anything

Hoggle: Not if you ask the right questions

-Labyrinth

---

It was late evening, and I was hunched over the departmental newsletter—a major part of my work-study job in the theatre department—attempting to get everything formatted correctly before our print deadline the next day. As usual, I was putting in unpaid overtime to make it happen while my coworkers were already gone for the night.

My directing professor knocks on the door, just stopping in to ask a question. Afterward, as he is about to leave, he pauses in the doorway, regarding me thoughtfully.

"You know, if you put as much time into your acting as you do into this job, you'd be great," he said.

Later, venting to my best friend, I was irate. What the fuck did he mean by that? I AM putting in the work!

I auditioned for every show, earned A's in all my acting classes, practiced monologues in the dorm study lounge until they kicked me out. I took every available acting and theater class, dance classes, even enrolled in Shakespeare through the English department. Hell, I even took Business of Acting, a class most theater students avoided.

Admission to Advanced Acting required an audition. The professor who taught the course rejected me twice, telling me that I “wasn’t ready.” He told me he thought I needed a Meisner coach. I considered it, and I read the Meisner books that he recommended, but ultimately, I stopped short of actually getting a coach. Wasn’t that what I was paying the university for? To teach me to act? As a student, I didn’t have the extra money to throw at a coach, and I didn't have parents who would pay for it either, not that I would even consider asking them for something so seemingly frivolous.

Meanwhile, certain students got cast over and over again. I knew they were better than me, but couldn’t see any path to get to where they were. We were taking the same classes, doing the same things. The only difference I could see was that they got cast and I didn’t. My admiration for my more in-demand peers festered into silent envy rather than fostering connection that might have given me answers about how to improve or get access to opportunities through allies in the department.

I would keep plugging away, I decided. Keep working hard until I made it.

But now, looking back, I see there was probably a way I could have made it easier on myself.

---

Looking back now, I see the questions I should have asked:

"Professor, what did you mean by that comment in the office?"

"I can't afford a Meisner coach—what else would you recommend?"

"Hey, successful classmates, how are you actually doing this?"

via GIPHY

The newsletter was easy because it had clear steps, a defined process.

But towards my real goal—becoming a great working actor?

Beyond auditioning, networking, and hoping, I had no idea what else I could do, because no one had told me in school or otherwise that there WAS anything I could do.

So, my path to becoming proactive in my acting career took a LONG time. I made it up as I went along. I plugged away, auditioning, doing whatever work I could get, got a few agents…

A year or two after graduation, I ran into a former classmate—one of those people who'd been cast in everything. When I mentioned some recent auditions, he asked where I'd heard about them. "Casting sites and Craigslist," I told him. "Hey, would you send any good ones my way?" he asked. Fat chance. Not that I didn’t want to help my friends, but this resource was available for free to anyone. Why should I do the work for him when he could set a reminder and check the sites daily like I was?

The real turning point came with a receptionist job that left me with a lot of downtime to fill. I started reading plays—not because I had to, but because I wanted to. Most actors I knew only read scripts when forced to. The idea of reading plays as part of my job was a new and novel one.

From there, I developed a system for gathering new monologues: marking intriguing passages in the plays with Post-its, photocopying, and then cataloging them in a binder by style and period.

My lunch breaks became memorization sessions. I would walk through downtown Minneapolis, paper in hand, reading and re-reading my monologues until I could recite them from memory.

When I lost that job and started training at the Guthrie Theater, I got even more strategic: setting Google alerts for season announcements, being first to request scripts from the library, reaching out directly to directors about roles. Bringing scenes to class to prepare the characters I wanted to play before I even auditioned for them.

And after years of being in class at the Guthrie, bringing scenework to class only a few times a year, in the last year before my teacher retired, I started bringing a scene every single week. A few times, even two.

Once I started the accountability group, then I really started cooking! I was able to make a lot more happen in less time.

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Just imagine if someone had been able to lay all of this out for me when I was in school. To give me the actual formula for being a working actor. What if I had been a little braver and asked those questions?

There’s still no guarantee I would have done everything right away, nor that I would have been successful at it, but at least I would have known what actions might lead me to the result I wanted.

My professor had been right all along—I had the work ethic. I just needed to redirect it. Sometimes the hardest part isn't doing the work—it's knowing what work to do. And sometimes, the simplest solution is just asking the question.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

We come to the conclusion: “I don’t know” and that’s where we stop.

Stop waiting for answers to come to you. And ask the right questions.

➞What problem are you experiencing right now?

And what question, if asked, might lead you to the solution?

The Time to Celebrate Is Now

"Savor the little victories as much as you criticize the little mistakes."

-James Clear

Two years ago, I took an 8-week group coaching program with author Jen Sincero. Recently, my friend Erin and I have been working through the course again, revisiting the weekly videos, redoing the worksheets, and checking in with each other weekly on our goals. 

It’s been going really well, but one thing that she’s made me aware of is my tendency to downplay my accomplishments or my wins. 

That sounds like: 

“Yeah, I got my stuff done, but you know, I really could have done more”

or:

(sigh) “I should really get working on that thing I keep putting off…” (heavier sigh)

We’re all so hard on ourselves! 

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who wanted you to change, but gotten discouraged because even though you made strides, they would just critique you for not doing enough? 

Like, imagine your spouse is annoyed because you are a messy person who leaves your clothes all over the bedroom floor. 

You start to get better at picking up after yourself, but as you do, they just double down and get even MORE annoyed when you aren’t perfect. 

You’d get discouraged, right? 

Instead, psychologists tell us that in order to influence others to the behavior we want more of, we have to give people time to change and praise any steps that they take toward the desired behaviors, and lay off the criticism so long as they’re still trying. 

That’s hard to do. I know. 

(Like, WHY can’t your roommate see the dirty paper towels and food wrappers left on the counter??? The trash is RIGHT THERE!)

But without going too far down the path of trying to influence others’ behavior, let’s stay focused on our own:

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We have to give ourselves positive feedback in order to change our behavior.

We’re not as complex as we like to think we are. We respond to rewards and treats and praise just like our pets do.

In order to not get discouraged as we try to make changes, we have to be more conscious of our progress and celebrate little wins along the way.

Change rarely happens as quickly as we want it to. And while you are sacrificing things that give you immediate gratification, after a week or two, your brain is likely to say, “WTF are we even DOING this for??? We are giving up these things we love, and for WHAT??? It’s not WORKING!” 

In other words, your brain is an overreactive diva who’s going to logic you into going back to the things that have kept you alive and safe up until now. EVEN IF that’s not what you want anymore. Even if you KNOW that you need to make changes to get where you really want to be.

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You, rejecting a compliment

You know those situations when you compliment someone, and instead of gratitude they immediately neg you with 17 reasons why your opinion is wrong?

You: “You look great today!”

Them: “Oh, no…I didn’t get any sleep last night, and the baby has been sick, and OMG, I need to lose ten pounds, ewwww…and I’m not even wearing MAKEUP!”

You’ve totally had this interaction.

It’s really annoying, isn’t it?

But we do that to ourselves all the time. Our inner critic is constantly throwing verbal abuse our way, berating us for not doing enough, or explaining why the new thing we’re trying isn’t going to work before we’ve even given it a fair shot.

STOP IT!

How?

The next time your inner critic/brain diva starts acting up, ask them for evidence.

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Brain Diva: “Ughhhh…this is SO dumb. This is NEVER going to work.”

You: “Okay, how do you know?”

Brain Diva: “Uhhh…I just DO.”

You: “Are you psychic?”

Brain Diva: “Wha…? No….”

You: “Then how do you know?”

Brain Diva: “Well, remember two years ago when you tried to market your business? I TOLD you it wasn’t going to work!”

You: “Okay, but that’s because I listened to you and so I never even finished the marketing course! People in the industry who know what they’re talking about say it takes about 5 follow up emails to see results, and we sent, what?, like 130 emails total, no follow ups and then just STOPPED!”

Brain Diva: “Yeah, because it DIDN’T WORK!”

You: “There’s no point in talking to you! You’re MY brain! You don’t know any more than I do, so I’m going to listen to the experts here and just follow the plan. Byyyyeeeee!”

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Often times, if you just ask your brain “Is that expectation realistic?” the answer will be: NO.

But if you don’t know what IS realistic, it’s worth asking others in your industry or doing some research to get a baseline reality check, and tell Brain to just give it more time and trust that results will come if you just stick with the plan. Whereas the more you deviate from the plan, the longer it will take to get where you want to be. 

Was Rome built in a day??? NO!

(By the way, the full saying that we never hear is “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour.” Gives you a different perspective, no?)

Slow and steady wins the race…but only if you stay on the path. 

To stay on the path, it helps to celebrate those mile markers that you hit before the end goal. 

But I’ll bet you rarely think about those mile markers. Or set them for yourself.

You think about the $120K you want to make this year, but don’t set monthly or weekly benchmarks to hit, or break it down to # of jobs to get there.

You think about wanting to run a marathon, but all you can see is that you can barely jog for a few minutes without getting winded. Twenty-six miles seems SO far away.

So, you want to reach your big goal?

Don’t leave it at that.

Without planning the smaller steps and celebrating them for encouragement, your inner critic/brain diva has a lot more evidence to use against you.

That big goal IS a million miles away.

You gotta start celebrating the baby steps, even if they don’t always feel worth celebrating.

What big goal do you have right now? Do you celebrate your baby steps?

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Gift Yourself the Future

If you’re anything like a lot of other people, I’ll bet you did some shopping this weekend.

Online. In person. For your family, friends…maybe a little something for yourself.

But let me ask you, do you even remember or still use the things you treated yourself with last year?

I saw a statistic the other day that 80% of Black Friday purchases are thrown away after a few uses. Can you believe it??

Now, I’m not saying don’t treat yourself. Buuuut…maybe just consider spending money on something that will truly help you live a better life, instead of ordering something off Temu that’s sure to disappoint.

(Last year, for Black Friday, I finally invested in a new phone to replace the iPhone X that no longer held a charge, and I’m happy to say it was 100% worth it)

But if you want to give yourself a gift that costs NOTHING at all, and will make a HUGE difference in your life over the coming year, I’d like to suggest that you give yourself 30-60 minutes during the busy holiday season to truly take stock of where you are in your life, and imagine the future you’d like to create over the next year.

“For me? Why, I shouldn’t have!”

Think of it as gifting yourself the future.

I don’t have a formal review process or anything. Nothing like author Chris Guillebeau, anyway. But every year around this time, I do start thinking about time’s passing.

Last year at this time, I was displaced from my home due to a fire in my apartment building. I’ve written about that pretty extensively on social media, so I won’t write about it here, but suffice it to say that LAST FALL SUCKED.

I was in such a state of survival, that I really didn’t have the wherewithal to do much introspection at the time. My goals at the time were to find a new apartment and get my life put back together again.

If you are NOT currently in literal survival mode, I would greatly encourage you to actually set aside some time during the holiday season to get introspective and do some soul searching.

Here’s a quick series of questions you can probably sit down and answer in 60 minutes or less. Don’t overthink it. Just give your first gut response.

First, assess where you’re at:

• What have I accomplished?

• Am I in a better place now than I was at this time last year?

• Did I succeed at the goals that I set for myself at the beginning of last year?

Then, figure out where you want to go:

• A year from now, how would I like my life to be different?

• What would I like to DO, BE, or HAVE by this time next year?

• What problems in my life do I wish I could snap my fingers and fix?

• Which problem, if fixed, would make my life 100% better, or help fix other problems by default?

• Am I unhappy with my health, work, love life, friendships, family, or any other aspect of my life?

These questions get at some of the same things but from different directions. Once you’ve answered these questions honestly, you can begin to build a plan to get where you’d like to be.

Finally, create a plan:

You know how it’s more likely that you’ll go to the gym in the morning if you set out your gym clothes and make a mental plan the night before? It’s the same thing with planning for the new year.

Every year, there’s a lull at the beginning of January. Yet many of us feel impatient for the new year to get going! We want to use that excitement and motivation we feel to take action, yet NOTHING IS HAPPENING. So we wait. And wait.

What are we waiting for?

To react.

Instead, I urge you to make a plan where YOU are in the drivers seat. Not passively reacting to outside events and waiting for others to spur you to action, but taking steps in the direction of your dreams.

Our dreams can be huge and overwhelming, and that can make us freeze up, unsure what to do next. But consistency is so much more important than huge bursts of effort.

Ask yourself every single day: “What can I do today to take a tiny step in the direction of the future I want?”

Write out a list of all of the steps you KNOW you will need to do to get to your goal. Then do some research to figure out what steps you’ve missed. Google it! Use Claude.ai! Or just ask someone who has done that thing before what steps you are missing.

The future will come, whether we do the work or not.

Our efforts determine which version of that future we get.

Until next week, stay spunky my audacious little butterflies!

Billie Jo

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🌈 Want help creating a more detailed plan that you can put into practice IMMEDIATELY? 🦋

• Join me for my upcoming Audacious Action Plan Workshops on December 3rd and 7th

• Schedule a one-on-one 90-Minute Action Plan Coaching Session (for an intensive version of the above scheduled at your convenience), OR…
  

• Jump into the Audacious Accountability Crash Course! A 10-week group coaching experience, offering support and skills to help you reach your goals in the new year.