Do or Die

If you’re anything like me, you have goals that you haven’t achieved. Goals that you’ve been sitting on for years, waiting for…what? The correct alignment of the planets? More money? More time? Someone to hold your hand and tell you exactly how to do every step so you can stop doubting yourself and your capability?

What if your goal truly was life or death?

Imagine you get a letter in the mail.

In scrawling ink it says: “I’ve been watching you. You’ve been saying for years that you will write that novel one day. Because I’m a generous person, I’ll give you more than ONE day—you have one month to write a first draft of your novel. If you don’t complete it in the next 30 days, you will die. I’m looking forward to reading your book. Tick tock tick tock!”

What would you do?

Would you spend the month complaining and avoiding the work? Or would you step it up and commit to getting that draft done?

While most of us are going to live longer than a month, none of us has infinite time. Still, we act like we have all the time in the world, and we allow other people’s agendas to dictate where our time and attention go.

Instead of creating that awesome theme bar that we’ve always dreamed of opening, we scroll TikTok (tik tok tik tok). While we could be writing a hilarious screenplay, we instead binge watch our favorite show for the 17th time (all 18 seasons!).

Why do we do this to ourselves? And to the world?

So many of the things that we want to do come down to making a commitment. And if you’re TRULY committed, then you find a way to get the thing done, no matter what obstacles arise.

And if you don’t fully commit (because no one is currently threatening you with the possibility of mortal danger) perhaps you let doubt creep in. You start strong, but stall out when you hit a point that’s too emotionally tough. You retreat to the comfort of bad habits or make excuses for why it makes sense to start a different project, or why now just isn’t the right time for this one.

Instead of committing, you flinch.

My acting teacher’s acting teacher (Milton Katselas) called this “flinching:”

“Flinching probably starts with some kind of confusion, some kind of funny feeling like, ‘Can I do it?’ Doubt. Fear. Retreat. Flinch. Then blame. And by then you’re down at the bottom. So if you find yourself blaming your agent, your boss, your mother, your spouse, you know something’s wrong back at the ranch. But what’s wrong is not others, it’s you.”

Milton also talks about how flinching “is not just a quiet, passive activity. Some people flinch with anger, some flinch with grief, all flinch with justification.”

One common flinch is to cause unnecessary drama in one’s own life. Something good happens, you get a big win, and all of a sudden you’re picking a fight with your girlfriend, drinking too much the night before a big opportunity, or otherwise self-sabotaging.

Gossip can also be a flinch. If you’re always ending up spending hours rehashing your own personal dramas, those of friends or family, or even those of celebrities, rather than getting to the work at hand, you’re probably doing some flinching.

How do we stop avoiding our own potential greatness?

Awareness, for starters.

And also, by instilling a sense of importance and urgency to the things we do. By realizing the stakes truly are life or death.

Our time on this earth is limited. The Stoics believed in meditating on this fact (Memento Mori) in order to encourage mindfulness and presence within one’s life. Or as William B. Irvine writes, “when Stoics contemplate their own death, it is not because they long for death but because they want to get the most out of life.”

Knowing that you will one day die, as we all do, do you not want to live the best and most meaningful version of your life? The version of your life where, on your deathbed, you have very few regrets?

Reminding yourself on a regular basis of what your values are, who you want to be in the world, and what kind of legacy you want to leave behind you is one way of keeping on track toward living your biggest, most meaningful life.

Surround yourself with people who expect you to be your greatest possible self.

You want hardasses in your life. People who model high standards and will expect you to live up to theirs as well.

My acting teacher, Raye Birk, used to tell us how his teacher Milton would engage in something he called Terrorist Theater. If a student in his class was not living up to their potential, he would tell them: You must book a paid acting job within the next month, or you cannot ever come back to class.

A lighter sentence than death, but effective nonetheless. Milton claimed the technique had a 75% success rate.

As Milton wrote, the actors who were subjected to this technique “experienced something equivalent to priming an engine—a direct shot of fuel right into the cylinder. Their psychology? Bypassed. Negativity? Ignored. Fear? No time for it. Doubts? Forget them. They were forced to move, to act, to chase, to innovate, to hustle—all because the stakes were raised.”

If you’re likely to let yourself off the hook, then surround yourself with others who won’t.

Milton advises that this technique can be used for anyone in any field. I have been using a similar tactic for years in my accountability groups. When I get tired of my own bullshit excuses, I make bets with people who won’t back down.

I once bet my business coach that I would send 150 marketing emails; if I didn’t, she would send a check I’d written out to a campaign that I did NOT want my name attached to. Another time, I bet three people in my accountability group each $100 that I would get done ALL of the tasks on my to-do list. At the time I didn’t HAVE $300 in my bank account. So I had no option but to succeed. And still another time, I held a drawing for my blog readers: If I did not get my tasks done, I would draw one name from anyone who commented on that post and that person would win $100. In each of these cases, I got my tasks done. Because I REALLY hate to lose a bet.

I have tried to encourage this practice amongst my accountability group participants, but many are hesitant to do so. They say they wouldn’t want to risk losing the money. But I have found that the lower the bet is, the more likely I am to lose.

“Anyone in any field can understand and apply this principle,” Milton says. “It can be used in a stuck period or as standard operating procedure. Raise the stakes. No excuses. Go for what you want. Demand more of yourself. You’re capable of a great deal more than you imagine.”

Burn your boats.

Supposedly, upon landing in the new world, Hernán Cortés burned the boats so that his men had no choice but to fight to win against the Aztecs, rather than have the option of retreating. It’s unclear how true this story is (similar actions are attributed to Alexander the Great and other historic leaders), but either way, it makes for a good metaphor:

Where in your life are you giving yourself the option to retreat or flinch?

How much might you be capable of if you (even if only once in a while) burned your boats, and didn’t give yourself any option but do…or die?

Ready to commit to your dreams and take some concrete actions? The Audacious Accountability Crash Course is open for April! Click here for more information.